Your Vacuum Sealer Is Not Just For Food Anymore
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- Your Vacuum Sealer Is Not Just For Food Anymore
- What The Heck Even Is A Vacuum Sealer?
- The Astounding History Of The Vacuum Sealer
- Please Tell Us, How Does A Vacuum Sealer Work?
- The Other Fantastic Uses Of Vacuum Sealing
- The Sublime Convenience Of Vacuum Sealed Things
- How Much Money Will My Vacuum Sealer Save Me?
- Imagine, A Vacuum Sealed World
There's nothing more satisfying than ripping open a plastic-wrapped food item you prepared several months ago and listening to the hiss of air bring a vacuum-sealed artifact back to life.
The sound evokes explorer/adventurers discovering ancient tombs and rooms full of treasure. Who would have thought that vacuum sealing could have been the gateway to such life-changing experiences?
When the first microbe evolved legs, crawled out of the mud, developed opposable thumbs, and then created a vacuum sealer to help preserve his leftovers, he never realized what a world of fantastic uses he was about to discover.
"But I thought vacuum sealing was just for food," you might be thinking. Well, you're wrong. Vacuum sealing has hundreds of uses, perhaps millions of uses, all of them more convenient and practical than the last.
So, if you received a vacuum sealer for your college graduation, or perhaps at your wedding, and you thought, "Oh great, now I'll never have to worry about my cheese dip going bad," I have news for you. Your vacuum sealer can preserve a whole lot more than cheese dip (but it's good for that too).
If you're scratching your head wondering how any of this could possibly be true, just relax. As you dig into this article you'll be exposed to heretofore unrevealed secrets of the universe, and soon you too will regard the common household vacuum sealer as the fundamental key to existence.
After all, it's no coincidence that outer space is referred to as a vacuum.
It's almost as if the very fabric of space time and reality is dependant upon the creation of a vacuum. Just think about that the next time you fire up your vacuum sealer. Feel the power as universes are born with the flick of your opposable thumb!
What The Heck Even Is A Vacuum Sealer?
Before I delve too deeply into the fundamental laws that govern the space-time continuum, I can see that I'll probably have to define some basic terms. First and foremost is the question: What the heck even is a Vacuum Sealer?
A vacuum sealer is a nifty little home appliance that is the key to a happy and fulfilling life. Vacuum sealers come in all shapes and sizes, but the basic unit is about the size of a small home printer.
Vacuum Sealer Uses
The function of the machine is super convenient. Most units come with a specific type of plastic bag. You fill the bag with the food you want preserved, stick one end into the vacuum sealer, and press a button. The machine then removes the air from the bag and seals it.
The bag generally comes in a large roll that you can cut down in size to suit your specific needs. Once you've cut your bag, you put it into the sealer to seal one side, then fill the bag with your food and vacuum seal the other side.
The result of the process is very little waste in the form of food or plastic bags.
The Astounding History Of The Vacuum Sealer
You didn't think I was just going to leave it at that did you? History is always fascinating, and if you dig into the torrid history of the modern vacuum sealer, you'll discover a tale of betrayal, intrigue, and the type of secrets that could bring down an entire nation.
Here's a brief timeline of the history of vacuum sealers:
Vacuum Sealing Helps Win World War II
As early as World War II soldiers were eating food that had been vacuum sealed in order to preserve it for a long duration. The French helped to create the concept with their use of evacuated rubber latex bags.
Over time, the rubber bags were replaced by plastics. To this day military rations including MREs (Meals Ready to Eat) are usually vacuum sealed.
Karl Busch's Home Vacuum Sealers
In 1963, German inventor Karl Busch created a home vacuum sealer that was substantially smaller than the sealers we use today. This original vacuum sealer worked on the same principle as modern vacuum sealers, but features and ease of use have improved over time.
Hans Christian's Vacuum Sealer Revolution
In 1984 Hans Christian took a look at the standard home vacuum sealer and thought, "I can make that thing a whole lot better." After presumably tinkering around in his garage for a couple of weeks, he emerged with the improvements that we can take for granted today.
Modern sealers have the following improvements:
The modern home vacuum sealer is a technical marvel, but you might be asking yourself how does it work? Well, scroll on down to the next section.
Please Tell Us, How Does A Vacuum Sealer Work?
I hinted before that the underlying mechanics that drive a vacuum sealer are fundamentally the same as the driving mechanism that supports the fabric of space-time. The simple fact is this, in space, you are preserved for eternity.
So why not make mini little bags of outer space, fill them full of food, and stuff them in your freezer or refrigerator?
Through the use of an electric pump, the common, household vacuum sealer removes atmospheric Oxygen out of a plastic container. It's better to use a bag for this purpose because the bag can contract as the air is expelled, thus creating a better seal.
Most of the microbes that are responsible for food spoiling need air in order to perform their nefarious work. These include:
Essentially you can kill the primordial stew by taking out the air. Food is left in a healthy and fresh state for weeks or months. The sealer removes the air, and seals the bag leaving a neat, sealed packet that takes up minimal space and will endure for a long time.
Vacuum Sealing Utterly Dominates All Other Forms of Food Storage
Maybe you're reading this with your delightful old grandma and she's smirking to herself thinking, "I've always been able to store food just fine without vacuum sealing it."
Well, it's time to round-house kick grandma to the face because the modern era is here and no amount of living in the past is ever going to change that. Sure, there are other methods for attempting to preserve foods, but they all crumble in defeat next to the awesome power of vacuum sealing.
Some methods include:
Aluminum Foil Is No Substitute for Vacuum Sealing
Aluminum foil, are you kidding me? Aluminum foil is great if you want to preserve something on the way over to the neighbor's house. Then again, you aren't really preserving it, you're just applying a cover so that a passing bird can't drop an earthworm into your plate of lasagna.
Aluminum foil is a joke. Want proof? Come over to my house and lift the corner of one of the mysterious packages in the back of my fridge. When you wake up again about three hours later, I'm sure you'll agree never to use Aluminum foil on leftovers again.
Aluminum foil is just vacuum sealing without the vacuum and without the seal, it's worthless.
Okay, I can at least respect canning. Canned foods will last a decent amount of time, but you know why? It's because they're essentially vacuum sealed! That's right, canning is just an inconvenient and inefficient way of vacuum sealing something.
So if you want to spend a day with a handkerchief tied around your head dipping cans or jars into boiled water, then be my guest. Personally I'd prefer the convenient home appliance that instantly adapts its size to whatever object you mean to store (rather than vice versa).
C'mon, you're just being stubborn, vacuum sealing is way better than canning. Think of all the time you'll have left over for playing 'Out Run' and 'Duck Hunt.'
Okay, fine, Tupperware is great, except for the two fatal flaws of Tupperware:
Tupperware is just a seal without the vacuum extraction. If you want to see how bad Tupperwear is, just dig around in the back of my fridge in those sealed Tupperwear containers that are right next to the Aluminum foil ones. I'll accept your apology when you wake up.
Okay, now that it's been established that vacuum sealing is more convenient, more effective, more powerful, and more entertaining than any other food preserve method in the universe, we can discuss some of the other fantastic uses of vacuum sealing.
The Other Fantastic Uses Of Vacuum Sealing
You already know that you can use vacuum sealing to preserve food, but did you know that you can use your vacuum sealer to marinate meat? You can! The next time your friends come over for dinner tell them that you spent seven hundred dollars on the steaks. If you marinate properly, they'll believe you.
Marinating steaks is just one of a plethora of innovative uses for your home vacuum sealer. Once you get in the habit, you'll find that there's nary a daily situation that can't be improved by a bit of creative vacuum sealing.
It's like Mary Poppins says, "And every task you undertake, becomes a vacuum-sealed piece of cake." Soon you too will be performing duets with cartoon animals and going on asexual family outings with a chimney sweep and somebody else's kids.
But let's just take a step back for a second and boil vacuum sealing down to its essence. What are some things you can tell me about vacuum sealed objects? Not coming up with any answers? Okay, I'll help you out:
Save Us From All This Air
Let me guess, there's not enough space in your house. Am I right? Why is it that we move into a new house or an apartment and we think, "It sure is empty in here," and then literally five minutes later you can't find the door through all the clutter?
Human beings attract junk. We bathe in the stuff, it's everywhere, and some of it we have to keep forever, like tax returns.
However, a good portion of the junk that you have to horde doesn't have to take up as much space as it does. You see, when you vacuum seal things, they shrink down into small packages.
Let's say you've got some blankets that you keep in your closet for when your husband's no good brother is out of work and he needs to sleep on the couch. There's no reason that you should have to dedicate such a massive amount of closet real estate to that guy forever.
Put the blanket in your vacuum sealer and watch it collapse down to about a quarter of its original size. When the no good brother shows up to sleep it off, just rip open the bag and cover him up. He'll be none the wiser.
Until they figure out a way to remove the space between the nucleus and the electron of an atom, you won't be able to beat a vacuum sealer. And with a vacuum sealer there's no risk of a nuclear reaction or the accidental creation of something five times denser than the sun (which would be dangerous).
Save Your Documents from Water Leaks
Remember how I mentioned preserving your tax returns? Yeah, that's important. They say you only have to save them for five years, but tax returns are the type of thing you instantly need the second you try to throw them away.
But what if you have your tax returns in a filing cabinet in the closet, and then the upstairs bathroom over that closet springs a leak. All of a sudden fifteen years worth of tax returns are drenched. When the IRS shows up for an audit, they'll just assume you did it on purpose to hide something.
Do you really want to run that risk?
Instead, just vacuum seal up all your tax returns and then put them in the filing cabinet. In addition to being waterproof, you'll also find that they take up less space than they used to. It's a win/win.
The Sublime Convenience Of Vacuum Sealed Things
One of the great joys of purchasing something new is just the fact that you're able to rip them out of the packaging when they get home. There's something about a nice, new, vacuum sealed package that's just aesthetically pleasing.
When you have your own vacuum sealer, it's easy to plan for a trip. Seal up your cotton swabs, seal up your underwear, seal up your extra clothing (remember it will take up less space in your luggage when you seal it).
When you're packing a school lunch for your children, seal up the various food items. Apple slices go great when they're sealed up. Your kids will get all excited about ripping open the package. It's neater, it's cleaner, and if it helps picky kids get a good meal, it's healthier.
Are the gears in your head spinning as you take your first few steps in whole new worlds of unique, perfect, vacuum sealed perfection? Well, hold on to your hat because we're just getting started.
The uses of vacuum sealing are limited only by your imagination, here's a starting list to give you an idea of the worlds of potential that await you:
But wait, there are even more uses:
A vacuum sealer can be used for anything from food preservation to storing your valuables to fun family projects. There are hundreds of uses for plastic bags, and virtually anything a plastic bag can do a vacuum sealed bag can do better.
Getting the most out of your vacuum sealer is like developing an eye for photography. Once you train yourself to start seeing uses, you'll begin to see them everywhere.
How Much Money Will My Vacuum Sealer Save Me?
You can use your vacuum sealer to preserve keepsakes that are impossible to replace, so what's the monetary value on that? But without being too abstract, it's easy to calculate several ways in which a vacuum sealer will save you a lot of money.
A vacuum sealer can save you money by:
Save Money Buying in Bulk
Lots of common household goods can be obtained at a much lower price if you buy in bulk. Half of what you pay for is the packaging that companies use on their small serving sizes.
Instead of spending all your money on packaging, buy the bulk size and vacuum seal up the extra for use at a later date.
Longer Fridge Life For Leftovers
There is no bigger waste that throwing left over food into the garbage, you might as well be burning money. With the capacity to seal and preserve your leftovers, there's a much greater chance that you'll be able to turn them into an attractive meal down the road.
Don't let your home-cooked meals end up scraped into the trash.
Eliminate Freezer Burn
Vacuum sealed foods are well protected in the freezer, and the plastic wrapping will keep your frozen food from developing freezer burn. This results in super storage and less food waste.
More Fridge Storage Space
You'll be able to store more in your fridge because vacuum sealed items don't take up as much space.
Protecting Non-Food Items
Protecting documents and collectibles keeps you from having to incur expensive replacement costs. Also, you'll be able to get more value for collectibles down the road because your vacuum sealed items will be preserved in mint condition.
There are a lot of different ways that your vacuum sealer will save you money. It's been estimated that for a family of four, a vacuum sealer can result in savings totaling around three thousand dollars a year. This is a rough estimate of course, but it's a significant number to consider.
Imagine, A Vacuum Sealed World
Imagine a world where everything was encased in a thin coat of clean, perfect plastic! Wouldn't that be great? Well, maybe that's a little extreme, but chances are there are dozens of items around your household that would look a lot better wrapped in plastic.
Vacuum sealers are versatile tools. They can save you money, they can help you pack for a long trip, they can preserve your valuables, and they can be the focus of engaging projects you can do as a family.
Once you get a vacuum sealer, you'll wonder how you managed to live without one for so long. A vacuum sealer will solve many of your household irritations. I'm sorry, though, you can't seal up your husband's ne'er-do-well brother who is sleeping on the couch.
The bags aren't big enough, and he'll probably wake up and struggle too much. But for anything other than that, vacuum sealers are awesome!